


The Butterfly Tapes

by radiowrittenheart



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Radio, Dark Comedy, Inspired by Welcome to Night Vale, Marco the Psychology Student, Oneshot, Other, this is like five episodes of the show at once lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7996777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/pseuds/radiowrittenheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear listeners, comrades, companions— oh! And hi, Mom and Dad! Welcome to Mewni.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Butterfly Tapes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Welcome to Mewni](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128710) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> mimzie wrote me a WTNV AU for my bday forever ago and now that I'm more into Night Vale, i decided to give a swing at this shit. let's goooooo.

Dear listeners, comrades, companions— oh! And hi, Mom and Dad! Welcome to Mewni. Doo, doo, do-do, doo … our theme music intern got fired. And by fired, I mean that she actually caught on fire. Which is funny, because I’m pretty sure she was a mermaid, but anyway~!

Oh, _there’s_ that button!

* * *

Hello again! This is a story about you. And me. And everyone in Mewni, in that one dimension that has cats with human faces, even the place we must never speak of. Close your eyes, listeners. Imagine something safe. And hold onto it while you can, because there is a very, very strange man— or monster— is wandering around Mewni. He wears a business suit, and seems rather … lizard-y.

I consulted Marco the Psychology Student about this— okay, he actually called me first, but technicalities. He told me that he had asked other citizens of Mewni about this strange lizard-man-monster and for some reason, they never remembered seeing him. Which is strange because he was _literally right outside_ my bedroom door—

Whatever.

Marco the Psychology Student told me that this lizard-man-monster resembled a lawyer. Whatever that is. This is the same guy who has a friend that studies evil triangles, after all. Heh. You know, Marco should be the guy studying triangles because he’s pretty acu— actually, yeah, no, I — I’m not saying that.

*ahem*

* * *

We move onto the community calendar! Monday, there is nothing. Literally nothing. We’re looking to cancel it, actually, but my mom and da— I mean, King and Queen Butterfly are not too keen about this. As for Tuesday, the Pixies of Pixtopia are hosting a ‘ _slavery with extra steps_ ’ seminar, in which you learn how to scream very, very high-pitched and find diamonds. But of course, don’t harvest the jewels yourself. Who does that? Wednesday is a holiday Marco the Psychology Student likes to call ‘ _Cinco do Mayo_ ’ — which I assume recognizes the Earth snack they call mayo. I wonder how you can make a holiday out of that. I mean, perhaps the Earth people recognize mayo like us Mewnians treat corn?

Who knows. Surely not me.

Thursday, it is the annual Mewnian Pet Day. Bring your cats, dogs, fish— even rabid raccoons, the precious little cuties, and toothless alligators to be magicified. That process will be done yours truly, and it is practically a blessing in this society!

Friday is the same as Monday. We’re looking to cancel the best day of the week, people. Sorry about that.

Actually… no. We’re not.

* * *

For some reason, a princess of the Magical Equine dimension has appeared in my bedroom, Mewni. I don’t know this stranger, but she is very—

**_“Heyyyy, girl! Whatcha up to?!”_ **

This, listeners, is who I was referring to. She calls herself Princess Pon—

_**“Princess Pony Head, yo! Call me Peebs, P-Head, Your Royal Highness and ya homegirl! Woo!”** _

Yes. _That._ All of it. Apparently, she is what she likes to call ‘on the lam’ and wants me to hide her in my bedroom. From what, I don’t know. And I suppose this isn’t impossible; my bedroom here in the Mewnian castle is ideal for what she wants. Not that I’m offering to hide anyone else here— I’m talking to you, minions and monsters. Sorry. My mom would kill me.

**_“Hey, B-fly, why do ya talk like that? Oh! Hey, you wanna watch Webflix and eat ice cream ‘til we puke our brains out?!”_ **

Pony-Head, you’re blowing my cov— oh. We’re still on the air. Yikes.

* * *

Mewni, I regret to inform you of something terribly tragic.

It will most likely go down in the history books— if they remember to write legibly this time.

Marco the Psychology Student has forgotten who the lizard-man-monster is.

Ladies and gentlemen and celestial beings in between, our sole resource of monsters and men and Mewnians’ brains is gone. We will miss Marco’s beautiful, wonderful karate memory. I gotta admit, that was almost as cute as his face. Almost. I mean, it’s not I’ve ever seen his brain, except that one time I poofed him with my wand. By accident.

Marco the Psychology Student still very much likes psychology, though. And karate. And nachos, which he still hasn’t brought me yet today. I hope he hurries up already…

* * *

Huzzah, Mewni! I have acquired nachos. Unfortunately, not by Marco. One of the guards brought the triangle food to me and said Marco was busy interviewing somebody today. Brain karate never rests for the weary, it seems. Also, we have a new intern! And an old … ‘friend’ to me, per se. Thomas is a rather nice fellow—

**_“Star, for the last time, that’s not my name.”_ **

Shh, shh, interns don’t talk.

_**“Whoa, hey, you never said anything about being an intern. I am not gonna bring you coffee and be your little bi—”** _

I am giving you a second chance, Tom. Don’t blow it. Just sit there and do what it is you do best.

**_“So sit here and look pretty?”_ **

No. Sit there and be a grumpy McGrumpypants. Here’s your bunny. Now, be quiet.

_**“...hmph.”** _

* * *

Mewni, I have unfortunate news for you. We are being shut down.

At least, temporarily. There is a force beyond me, beyond all of us, that is forcing me to close up shop for at least a few days. You will have to suffer without my lovely voice, and stories of the cu— er, _cool_ psychology student Marco, or the fact that Tom has set my bedroom on fire again, and Princess Pony-Head was sent off to boarding school.

...oh, yeah, that happened yesterday. Guards and unicorns and everything in my room. Wasn’t pretty.

The force that is beyond us all, the force that is shutting down Welcome to Mewni is—

—my mother.

Queen Moon Butterfly has forced me to end this program. At least until I’m not grounded anymore.

Let’s just say it has something to do with a pair of scissors.

Enjoy the rest of your week, Mewni. Please, please attend the Pet Day. I will enjoy zapping all of your cutesy-wootsy animals, especially those rabid racoons~! I bid you adieu, listeners. Until next Wednesday!

* * *

_… oh. Foolish, foolish little princess. She has a quaint little setup here, I must say. Hmm— oh, hello. What’s this? She seems to have left everything on. Well then. How perfect._ _To anyone — and I mean anyone listening, do not turn off your radio transmitters. I repeat, do not. The Butterfly family is not what they seem. They are not corrupted, oh-no, worry not. But they have wronged me. And they will pay, especially that royal bra—_

***static fizz***

_Blast. Holding a microphone is troublesome when you’re missing a finger…_

_Anywho, good morrow, Mewni. The sun is shining and a Star will shoot. Have a lovely day._

***click***

**Author's Note:**

> this is trash, but then again— SO AM I, anyway, comments are always appreciated! :)


End file.
